It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman can have a wardrobe chock-a-block full of clothes and simultaneously have nothing to wear. I am one such woman. It perplexes me that men find this such a difficult concept to grasp. Perhaps it’s because no one has ever fully explained to them the intricacies of this phenomenon, a very real problem facing your average modern gal. So here it is boys, laid out in easy to read font and small to medium sized words, the top 7 reasons why we actually have nothing to wear.
It needs to be ironed
A seemingly easy problem to fix and I do own an iron but when you’re running late for work and have to factor in stopping for a coffee en route, it’s a problem. If it’s a choice between caffeine and ironing my preferred shirt, caffeine will win every time.
Yes I know how to wash clothes but admittedly I am a little domestically challenged. I have a complicated wait list for all items of clothing that require hand washing. Until further notice, all dirty ‘delicates’ are at the bottom of my laundry basket on extended hiatus.
I don’t have the right underwear
Having the correct underwear is like ensuring the foundation of your business plan is sound. And unfortunately many women, myself included, have at times been guilty of not investing in proper asset support. A tight t-shirt is off limits when your girls aren’t adequately braced for engagement.
It’s too small
I like the gym but there are times when the gym and I don’t get along so well. For instance, during winter, I’m much more inclined to spend my mornings in a warm bed than on the treadmill. Coincidentally during these periods of inactivity, I find that a portion of my wardrobe looks like it shrunk in the wash. It’s incredibly disappointing…can you please pass me another croissant?
There are some clothes that women keep not because we’re ever going to wear them again but because the memories made when we wore them are just too darn good to let go. I know I will never ever, ever again wear my year 12 diamanté backless Jenny Bannister formal dress with a thigh high split but there’s no way I would part with it. It’s like a beautiful treasured vintage car serving absolutely no practical purpose but taking up valuable wardrobe real estate.
I’m embarrassed how much I paid for this
It was 2007 and I had just moved to London. Winter was setting in and I was pretty broke. I was on my way home from work one day when I spied a grey Paul & Joe pea coat. It was divine and cost more than a week’s wages. I had to borrow money to cover rent that month but I have never regretted buying the coat which I wore every day that winter and for eight more years. Some items in our wardrobe were such a big investment at the time of purchase that the value never deteriorates in our eyes even after we cease wearing it.
It’s just not me
I wear a lot of stripes, and minimalist grey, white and black. Every now and then though when I’m feeling a little ‘zany’ I purchase something out of the ordinary – something a bit different. Perhaps it’s a style of dress I don’t usually wear, a daring neckline, crazy print or colourful pattern. These items then sit in my wardrobe with the tags on. They never get worn because ultimately I prefer stripes and minimalist grey, white and black.